| So it has been a while but God has been promting me to write about what he has done for me over the last few months. I wish I would just have journeled every day then it would not be so hard to go back and recall everything. But God said that if I do not do this task He won't give me another. So I figured writing on my xanga would help hold me accoutable. In the last few month God has healed me of anger and self hatred. He has healed my marriage and physical situations. I have went through terrible satanic attacks from hell that were fearfully paralyzing and lasted a few months. It was over the blaspheming the Holy Spirit. So, if anyone wants to understand that more let me know I should be able to answer a few questions. P.S. people, reverance the Holy Spirit. It is a "He" not an "It" and He is very sensitive and can be grieved easily, so tune in and reverance Him more. Im not saying worship Him because that would be a sin in its self, but He is our seal unto salvation and the Bible says we can grieve the spirit. But Im not saying all t his because I think grieving is blasphyming, its not...Im just stating a fact. After my horrible battle of the mind over this situation I talked with my worship team after one of our practices and they personally ministered to me. That night God gave me the "leaving the 99 to find the 1" experience. I always thought that because I was saved at a little age that I was never lost lost. I mean I knew I wasn't saved until the Spirit revealed Jesus to me, but I never saw myself as the one who God came to find. Not because I just thought I was righteous but because I kind of always knew Him cause of my up bringing. I dont know if that makes since. But anyway, God showed me that I was lost and He did find me and that I was valuable enough to come and find. It was terribablly romantic. The only thing I could say was, "You found me!" I realized that night that God had never forsaken me and that it was not His will for anyone to perish. I knew all this before...but the Holy Spirit ampliphed the revelation and now i KNOW it! You know what I mean? This all lead to my recovery and victory of defeating satans lie that I was going to hell. Pastor Edwin, my worship leader, said that sometimes we allow satan to have too much power and make him stronger then he is. Which I knew but I did not realize I was doing it. Satan really did feel big and I wasnt sure of who I was in Christ to shut him up...Actually, I had just forgotten. So God had to remind me who I was first so that I understood that I had the authority through Christ to shut that lying hell bound devil right up. Pastor Edwin also made a funny statment but I used it and I will always remember this and use it often. He said, "Think of satan as a little bald mean kitty sitting in the corner and everytime he speaks realize that He roams like a lion seeking whom he may devour but he is a bald weak kitten whom we have authority over. Meow not ROAR." Chrits is the Lion of Judah. Trust me satan is a kitten and he may roam like a lion but if you do not get in agreement with his lies and just shut him down then you will progress quickly in Christ and live free of condemnation, fear, and anxiety. Also while I was at the Tabernacle I experience things in leading worship that I have never experienced before. And for the sake of intimacy with my Jesus I will keep of Lovers Time down to a minium. Some things God means just for you and Him and if you discuss it it takes away the full affect it could have made but your reward instead is praise of men. So, I will only say that God and I had intamacy time revealing to me what being a "Lay Down Lover" to Him meant and how to conceive my new anointing. (It was NOT a formula He showed me it was just a revelation about a lifestyle that must be lived out before Him. However, He revealed it in a way personal to me and unique to my thinking.) He also would speak to me about things and then the preacher would say just what He had just showed me. I was also prophesied over...it was not specific prophesy but it was specific enough to be in prayer about. I also learned something great about hearing from God and prophesy. I learned first hand that just because prophesy is given to you or over you does not mean it is from God. So dont worry. I do not take prophesy as it is handed to me. Some things you just have to ignore, some you put on a sheif and if God answers then you know it was Him, and some things God has already spoken to you about and the prophecy is just confermation. I also learned that sometimes when God gives us promises that we can add to them and justify that God said the whole thing, but God didnt...so dont go hoping the whole thing comes true...but be sure the part God said will. I also went to a conference where for the first time I was asking God to let me die for Him. Trust me that was Holy Spirit inspired. I included that I would love to die peacefully and at a old age but that if dying for Him would bring Him greater glory then to help me do the hard thing. Trust me I dont want to die. I also realized that if God does not drain this body for His glory then my life is worthless. This conference I learned that the reason why God wants us to seek Him is because He is a seeker. Look up all the scriptures that talks about how God seeks. And that the reason why God seeks is because the only thing that would be cool for God to look at is God. Thats why scripture says that "now we look into a mirror and see dimely but one day we will see fully" (paraphrase)...its because we are a mirror image and God seeks us because we look like Him and we dont look like Him unless we seek Him. Thats why He asked Adam, "Where are you?" He wasnt asking cause Adam was lost He was asking so Adam could evalute...cause God was saying..."I used to look and see someone who looked like me but now I dont...where is the man who looked like me?" -damon thompson preached this message. Damon talked about one time He was praying for abortion and he was praying that God would turn the tide. And God said, "No, you turn the tide." and Damon said, "No God, Im just me, you turn the tide." and God said, "NO, you turn the tide!" Then the Holy Spirit revealed to him that the moon controls the tide. And the moon is the refelection of the sun in a moment where the earth is not in alinment with the sun. And he realized that we control the tide when we are the reflection of the Son (of God) when the world is not in alinement with Him. I also had some amazing visions in my spirit mind and eyes there that I will never forget. This conference was also broadcast on world tv and I know that God created a great awaken with the revival that started in the hearts of all of us who were there that weekend. We will never know the fullness of what happened that weekend until we get to heaven. It was incrediable. After that weekend I almost lost my husband because satan started attacking me right away. Once you encounter God like that and ask him to drain you for His glory, satan draws up a battle plan. And my husband was away at training and so we were seperated and satan went to town. And I got sick with the swinflu and contracted it at the conference. So I was sick and felt like I was dying for 15 days with a 102 to 104 fever depending on what time of day it was. My throat was bleeding and my whole body hurt. Man, satan unloaded His guns. But God brought us through. One thing to remember people is that God does heal and that He does it sometime in miracles and sometimes by doctors and then sometimes not at all. I had just came from a conference...and I thought if I had faith enough and tell my sickness to leave that it would...but it didnt, it got worse. Right away I started questioning my faith and God's word. All that God had done in my heart went out the window and I questioned if God was real. I felt so bad for my wishy washiness but God taught me this: My pastor reminded me that Paul was traveling and preaching and laying hands on people and they were recovering. Well, on one of his journies his partner got sick and he had to leave him behind because he had to continue his ministry. So, pastor said, "How do you think Paul must have felt when God would heal all those people when He was ministring but God did not chose heal his friend and partner. So take my advice. Trust me, if He is not healing you, He is teaching you but I know for sure that God has healed me both supernaturally before and by the knowledge of doctors. Me and my husband recently moved to Florida. God had totally had His hand in it all and even gave us contacts. We found out on a Monday we were moving to the Tampa Fl area and that Friday we had our womens convention and the 3 women that came were from the Tampa Fl area. In fact, they have already asked me help in their ministry. They have made and paid for my reservation for the hotel and regestration for their upcoming women's conferences in sarasota and I will be doing the worship for the youth portion. So I was sure that God was going to do something incredible and very purposed and planned here. But of course God test me as soon as we got here. One of my contacts left for Africa, another home to see her family and we are broke and had no one. So we sit and watch tv, craig plays xbox, we swim occationally and then we got a gym membership just so we can get out of the house. He doesnt sign into work into sept 18th and the military wont move our stuff here until sept 4 or later. So we dont even have pots and pans to cook in. I have been miserable, lonely, and feeling like God doesnt exist in Fl because of the walls I felt like I hit when I prayed. I started to not read the word after a few days here and not do my Bible studies. I got very angry with God and started to even push my husband away. I was like, "How could you give me such a great anticipation for coming here and then I get here and you give us no one and we are broke and I feel so much hate towards my husband. I dont even want to read your word cause nothing ever changes. I feel like I have no purpose!!!! AHHH!" I was so mad. And all I could think about is how I felt like I had no purpose here. I cant find a job. I had also been considering joing the army reserves cause I thought it would give me purpose and the money would be good and so on. And I told God that He wasnt talking to me and that how was I know what to do and that I wanted to be in HIs will but He wasnt talking. Well, He said, "How will you hear what I have to say unless your in my word, and how can I give you scripture when you wont read." I kept complaining and God said, "If you knew that in two weeks that I would give you your perfect job and purpose would you still be complaining?" I took that as, "Stop complaining because I have a plan and when you get there you will realize my hand was at work the whole time and then you would have grumbled and complained for nothing." So I got back in my workbooks and God gave me the scripture about NOT joining the reserves. The first scripture was Isa. 55:8-"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. He basically said to me through that scripture that, "Jennifer, your way of trying to make purpose for your life (like the reserves) is not my way. And your thoughts about your life is not my thoughts" And the whole chapter was on stuff like that. Well, then I picked up where I left off in my worship workbook and it was on PURPOSE!!!!!! Isnt it amazing! This whole week I have been avoiding my workbooks because I didnt think they were relevant because I was being a brat...but the whole time they were exactly what I needed. I talk to my sister about it and she said, "I think sometimes we need to go through seasons like that. God hardened Pharoes heart over and over so He could show Himself." I never had thought about maybe God was hardening my heart just so He could show up and show out. He is so amazing!!! So...be looking for God in your everyday, sec, and minute lives. He is at work all around you.
AND REMEMBER THAT THE WORK HE STARTED IN YOU HE WILL FINISH. HE IS THE AUTHOR AND FINSHER OF YOUR FAITH!!!! HANG IN THERE GOD LIKES REVEALING HIMSELF...JUST SEEK HIM! |
